a certain number

I was going to blog about flashcards today, but... let's just pretend like I did that when I really didn't. I can only bore myself so much.

Today, I wanted to talk about a topic that is pretty close to my heart.

And that is friends. 

I don't have a lot of good friends. I've never been the girl with a lot of friends and people around her, and I've always felt bad about it. I've always felt like I was doing something wrong, like I was anti-social, like I was unlikable or awkward or weird. 

I've always tried to make more friends and be a social butterfly... I've always tried to build up the number of people I can call a good friend, the people I want to hang out with on a regular basis, the number of people I text and interact with regularly.... but then I just get frustrated.

I don't like trying to maintain many, many friendships. I don't like having dozens of people who all call me their best friends. I like having a handful of people I'm close to, I like talking to people and making new friends, but I don't like feeling like I need to have all of these people in my life. I don't like feeling like I have to work hard to maintain a friendship, whether it's a close friend or someone I see every couple of weeks — friendships shouldn't be work. 

And to me, that's how many friendships seem to end up. You always need to be doing something for them, always calling them up to hang out, always retweeting them on Twitter or liking their Facebook statuses or liking their posts on Instagram. It's like you need to be constantly reminding them that you're there, you're a friend, don't forget me. I love hanging out with my friends, talking to them, interacting with them... but seriously, I'm a full-time student, I have enough to do. Why do friendships need to be like that? Why do friendships need to be work?

Then I realized that friendships don't have to be work, and having friendships doesn't need to be a job. 

Last December after my breakup, I picked up the phone and called Christina, who I hadn't talked to in weeks. She answered my call, and we didn't skip a beat. And this semester, I became really close with three boys in my building — they're total goofballs but I never feel like our friendship has to be work. I love my friends, and I would be a much more boring person without them. They don't ask too much of me, and I hope I don't ask too much of them. We just are. 

So maybe I only have a handful of people I can call my good friends, and maybe friendships that require an intense amount of work from me don't always prosper like they should. And maybe I won't continue a friendship with someone I don't particularly like. But I have never wanted to have 10,000 people on speed dial. I only want someone to talk to when I need them. I only want someone who will help me out, make me laugh, and brighten my day.

There's nothing wrong with the people who want to have tons of friends. In fact, if you can handle it, that's great for you. You're networking, you're forging bonds. But that's not me, and it really never has been. 

What kind of person are you?