to regain touch.

Without really trying — although who really tries at something like this — I've started to lose touch. Lose touch not only with who I want to be and who I think I am, but also with what I want to achieve and what I enjoy doing. 

My grip on my homework and my classes isn't as tight as it was the first few weeks of classes, and I'm not putting everything I have into my homework, my blog posts, or my stories at the paper. My goal to stay positive and try to stay as cheerful as possible is falling by the wayside. 

For lack of a better word, I'm floundering.

I'm sleeping when I should be studying, I'm watching Netflix when I have homework to do, I'm skipping out on quality blog posts just so I can write them quicker. I'm most certainly more irritable than not irritable, even on my best days. I'm not a pleasant person to be around, let alone to be. 

I'm hoping, I'm sure, that this is what I need.

That I need nine days without worry and without stress. Nine days to work and see my Food Lion families, to spend much needed time with my mom and stepdad, to see Bradley whenever I get the urge to and to have him four times as close to me as he is now, to see my best friend in the world and catch up on girl talk, to do yoga with my mom, to drive my car, to eat home-cooked food at the dinner table, to fall asleep in a much more comfortable bed,  to see the ocean and hear the seagulls.

To be anywhere but here. 

When I get back from spring break, when I get ready to start classes again and get back into the swing of things, I know I have to find my grip again. It's gotten away from me, but that's dangerous — and I might see the effects at the end of the year, when my grades are finalized. I don't want that. I don't want to look back and wish I had done things differently. I want to do things the right way and earn the grades I deserve. 

As of now, I am on break. 

Not just from school but also from my blog, just until spring break is winding down.

A break to do everything I want to do, to sleep as much as I want or need, to write all the papers I need to write, to see everyone I want to see. A break. Just the word brings so much relief. 

I will see you on Friday.